How Can I Improve My Listening Skills?

I'm a terrible listener. I want to do better, but I have trouble paying attention. I miss what people say a lot and end up embarrassing myself and offending them. How can I become a better listener for everyone's sake?
Sincerely,
Hard of Hearing
Dear HH,
The lack of an ability to listen well stems from either the lack of a decent attention span or the desire to actually pay attention. Since you want to change and concentrate on what people say, let's assume you do care about the words that come out of other people's mouths. When other people talk, the mind has an opportunity to wander because it doesn't have to process any specific actions. You have to trick it into believing it actually has something to do. That takes some work, but a few tricks can help you out.

Look Invested

 

People who listen well look a certain way. They appear engaged by making eye contact. They communicate listening mode with body language that covers their mouth (e.g. steepled fingers or just a hand placed gently in front of it). You want to fake this body language as naturally as possible. You want to make eye contact, but don't give the speaker a death stare. You don't want to look like you've trained your eyes on them. If you can't make constant eye contact right away, just look at the bridge of their nose or a little below. You can also get away with looking at their mouth because they're talking. Eyes move naturally all the time, so look at them for most of the conversation but feel free to momentarily break contact now and again.
While it helps to cover your mouth a little to communicate your "listening mode," you don't want to go in and out of this body language like a robot. If you stare at them when you listen and immediately cover your mouth, you'll look like a machine. The listener probably won't realize your goal and just think you have some peculiar mannerisms. Let them start, and if you think they'll talk for awhile just shift your weight a little like you're seeking a more comfortable position. When doing this, you can cover your mouth to demonstrate interest and lack of desire to interrupt. If you have trouble integrating this right away, put your focus on not fidgeting first. That'll help you gain some concentration that you can put towards better body language.


If you're trying to improve your listening skills or impress upon the speaker that they have…
Read more ReadThis may seem like advice to a sociopath who needs to learn how to pass as a regular human being, but everyone has a few social skills that leave a little (or a lot) of room for improvement. When you don't really know what to do or how to act, you have to fake it. Eventually you'll get used to it and become it, downplaying any anxiety listening had caused. It seems kind of ridiculous, but it really helps. Once you start to act like a good listener, you will come to believe you are a good listener.