When you're just not feelin' it but you've got to look like you are, the Wired How-to wiki suggests ways you can feign sincerity. In short, make eye contact, echo what the person is saying to you back to them, and nod in understanding (even if you're not).
9. End a conversation with body language.
When that chatty co-worker just won't go away, use some of manager Brendan Connelley's techniques. My favorite is simply standing up
(or crossing your arms, or speeding up to a "fast walk") to indicate
it's time for that person to go and you're busy. In more desperate
situations, grab your cell phone and say, "oh sorry, I've got to take this." Photo by SiBorg.
8. Ask sensitive questions indirectly to skip awkwardness.
When the info you need from someone is somewhat sensitive, check out journalist advice site MBToolbox's suggestions
for asking delicate questions indirectly. Use the bluff ("the breakup
must've been hard, huh?") or blame others ("so has anyone asked about
your prison time?") or the indirect inquiry ("what year did you get
divorced?") to broach sensitive topics with tight-lipped folks with more
ease and less awkward silence.
Lawyers
and price hagglers know that a little silence can go a long way. When
the other party offers a price, opt for a long pause to indicate
hesitation, which might prompt them to go lower. In the case of
arguments, prolonged silence may frustrate the other person—but it'll
also make you look like the winner. (The evil winner, but the winner
nonetheless.)
When you need to critique someone—whether it's a co-worker's
presentation or a spouse's choice of outfit—start with a compliment,
then mention your critique, then end on a positive note. The "criticism hamburger" gets the message across but softens the blow.
When
someone's asking you to do something you just don't want to—or don't
have the time—there are ways to say "no" that are polite and respectful
and won't burn any bridges. OnlineOrganizing.com offers 20 "scripts"
for turning down a request, from "I'm in the middle of several projects
right now" to "I'm not the right person for that job." (I've found that
suggesting someone else or offering a tip on the best way to proceed
also helps a whole lot.) Master of attention-firewalling Merlin Mann
says you can partially commit by qualifying your "yes" with specific boundaries around what you'll do (that also imply what you won't).
When you need information, the people that have it need some reason
to help you. Whether you're posting a question on a tech support forum
or asking a colleague for help, here are some ways you can master the art of asking to get the answers you need.
Client want to "touch base"? Manager want to "get on the same page"?
Corporate euphemisms translate into pretty strong words, and you'll
navigate your career a whole lot better if you recognize the ones that
mean "get off your ass." Career adviser Penelope Trunk offers a
non-nonsense dictionary for parsing office-speak.
When
you suspect someone isn't telling the whole truth, tune into their
voice, eyes, and body language. Monster.com's Marty Nemko lists a few indicators that should trip your BS detector,
like a sudden change in voice pitch, rate of speech, or "ums" and
"ahs," a change in eye contact, and body position. Similarly, project
manager Scott Berkun weighs in on how to detect bullshit.
Perhaps the greatest human behavior and communication hack is an awareness of what makes people tick. If you can offer someone something they want, they'll give you what you want in return.
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